The happiest moment of my life.

Yesterday, the Belmont Chorale had their first official concert at Belmont Heights Baptist Church. As usual, I was pacing around nervously before the performance, trying to memorize lyrics and notes at the last minute - it was a pretty lengthy set, about 45 minutes long.

But precision is not a substitute for passion. Our director, Jeffrey Ames, wrote two of the songs that we sang, and they are absolutely gorgeous. One, "For the Sake of Our Children" is so heartbreaking that my throat closes during the viola accompaniment at the end. The other, "Let Everything That Hath Breath" is the most uplifting and encouraging gospel song. We concluded the concert with it and the whole sanctuary shined. Family and friends were clapping, the soloist was shouting and praising, the band was strong and joyful. When we sang the last jazz chord, and when the audience stood to its feet, I just broke down and cried. Hard. I've never been so happy in my life. And I'm sure I will never forget that feeling.

~

I've really been enjoying this track recently:

MP3: Iron & Wine - Carousel

letdown.

I've always had this problem: I hate to disappoint people.

I guess the first time I came face to face with it was during my junior year of high school. I had signed up for a summer program that provided students with an opportunity to live in Switzerland for a couple weeks. I would stay with a family, providing that I only speak in french. It was an exchange of sorts because after my time abroad, someone from my foreign family would come to live with me back home. I was so excited to go, and so was my french teacher. In fact, she was super excited. Every other week beginning in October, she would mention details about the city or cultural things I should be aware of. This exchange is a yearly event, so she has a fondness for it.

But come Christmas, my grandparents surprise my immediate family with this: an itinerary for a tour across Kenya! I could write pages and pages describing that trip, so I'll refrain. To put it short, Switzerland just wouldn't work.

(Wow, I can't understand why God has blessed me with so much. I totally don't deserve to be choosing between trips to Kenya and Switzerland.)

Anyway, the crux. I was gonna have to tell my french teacher the situation. But I didn't. I was able to tell the organization that would have flown me out there, but it was easy because I didn't know them. I loved my professor. I'm actually amazed I held off the secret for as long as I did; it must have been three or four months. She continued to feed me hints and facts every other week, and I just smiled and thanked her. I just couldn't do it. I couldn't let her down. Whenever she talked about her experiences abroad, her eyes lit up and I could feel the passion in her storytelling. I just kept putting it off.

I get a call from my teacher, and she has discovered my lie by omission. And she is so flustered and seething. She isn't upset that I'm not going, but that I had misled her. I'll never forget the shock in her voice.

This story may sound irrelevant and maybe even conceited. But it wasn't easy repairing so many damaged relationships. This affair forced me to look at myself. Because of my distaste for disappointing people, I ended up causing more pain when the truth did come out. Why do people do this? Even when we know the consequences will be severe, why do we hold off until the last possible moment?

I surely can't answer that. But I know that there's more internal struggle to be had once you realize that your own acts are self-destructive. The other day I asked God to help me. And at this moment, I feel like that's all I can do. When I encounter another story like this, I'm gonna try and suck in my pride and let someone down. Respectfully, of course.

From a stranger, to a stranger.

Finished this one last night. I wrote the first verse during the first two weeks of school and ended up leaving it to gather dust. It has that "you vs. me" style that I've been practicing lately, in which the subject transitions through the verse and the chorus.

This song began as a song about moving away from home, and slowly shifted into the story about my faith rediscovery, through my friends and my church. I call myself a stranger, as I'm new to Nashville, and I call my schoolmates strangers because I've only just met them. Yet, as I learn more about these strangers, I discover that they are the "faces of friends I left behind," or people who share similar interests and attitudes as my friends back in Indiana. Now, that's not to say that these new companions are exactly like me; our beliefs, politically and spiritually, seem to differ. But these "strangers" have helped me define myself and my relationship with God. 

I received love "from a stranger" so now I'm giving it back "to a stranger."

You're just another kid who moved down south

The heart of Nashville pumps its blood into your mouth

And after flight, you thought you'd never find

The faces of friends you left behind

'Cause in the city does he show himself

To those who run and claim that they do not need help?

Well, as a stranger who began alone

A call from a stranger led you home

A call from a stranger led you home

The house was small, the praise was loud

The Lord appeared, the people bowed

You wept for joy before a joyful crowd

A hug from a stranger led me home

A hug from a stranger led me home

There was no judgement and nobody cared

If someone spoke aloud with arms raised in the air

And in these faces that were true and kind

Were faces of friends you left behind

If home is where the heart is, yours was numb

When you recited those three words, "Thy Kingdom Come"

So were you shocked in your attempts to roam?

 A smile from a stranger led you home

A smile from a stranger led you home

The house was small, the praise was loud

The Lord appeared, the people bowed

You wept for joy before a joyful crowd

The love from a stranger led me home

The love from a stranger led me home

The love from a stranger led me home

The love from a stranger led me home

Josh Garrels, Jacaranda Tree.

Sitting on porches

Since Friday while the sky

Tilts like a watery glass

We wait for downpours

A drenching joy

A carnival sky

But what I don’t say

What I can’t say

Is that with this joy

Comes a mourning

Something left behind

Blue lined, teary

Mingled

I move on

All things will change

We wait for the rain

And the promise remains

Live life fully

Peeking through fingers

Slung in our hammocks

Cocooned

Skimming the water

Trapezed above time

We glide like slingshot angels

Belly up and

Floating we see

The promise in the sky

Up to Orion’s ribs

We climb this tree

And listen

For our pulse

All things will change

We wait for the rain

And the promise remains

I flung loosely

Into that world

I stayed heavily

I’ll be a Jacaranda Tree

In Indiana

I say

Greenhoused and sung to

I pray light will

Leak from out pockets

We’ll be drenched, overcome

At night the fireflies

Streamers at our sides

Silent flaming arcs of hope

All things will change

We wait for the rain

And the promise remains

This gorgeous song was written by Michelle Garrels and performed by her husband, Josh Garrels. Josh's music has had such a profound influence on my songwriting and composition. There is something so pure about his voice and instrumentation; it's organic and earthy. "Jacaranda Tree" is a cut from his newest album, "Jacaranda," and has quickly become one of my favorite songs, ever. I pulled these lyrics from his blog and the thing that moves me is how it reads like poetry. I can't speak highly enough about Josh Garrels' other songs and albums. How this beautiful praise found its way into my hands is beyond me - but it truly is a blessing.

MP3: Josh Garrels - Jacaranda Tree

Captive/Captivated.

I was thinking about this the other day. It's strange that only three letters can change the meaning of a word. Captive and captivated: two words structurally similar but fairly polar. Captive, according to the American Heritage Dictionary, means "One, such as a prisoner of war, who is forcibly confined, subjugated, or enslaved." Yet captivated is defined as "attracted and held by charm, beauty, or excellence." I, myself, am captivated by God, but not a captive of God.

This is the first picture that came up after searching Google Images for "captive." Although I'm not aware of the situation, to see blank, perilous faces on these children is frightening.

And this is what appeared after the "captivating" search. This young girl is entranced by the beauty of this sunset. And who wouldn't be? There is a sense of peace in this scene.

I challenge everyone to think of what keeps you captive and what captivates you. Personally, I am held captive by my sins and my insecurities. I feel like that's a very common attitude, and as a son or daughter of God, it shouldn't be. The Lord captivated me with nature and music. There are an infinite amount of opinions. Know which one is yours!

50.

Stumbled across this old tune that I wrote for my mom for her 50th birthday party. I was/am torn between two titles, "50" and "The Blink." Not sure whether I'll record it.

Age, it's just a distraction

Well, what is your passion?

Pursue without fear

And rage, why does it come easy?

Do you see what I see

when you look in the mirror?

Well, some run away when they're 50

Just scared that it's true

You could run away, yeah, you're 50

But that's not like you

I doubt, you didn't want to stay young

But I'm here as your son

Who can't picture life

Without your warmth and your patience

And yours saw the changes

To a mother and wife

Well, some run away when they're 50

Just scared that it's true

You could run away, yeah, you're 50

But that's not like you

As human's we pretend and disagree

But life on earth is just a blink of eternity

Well, some run away when they're 50

Just scared that it's true

You could run away, yeah, you're 50

But that's not like you

Don't blink 'cause the world moves too fast

A calculator blow to the head.

I'm never less than dazzled by Andrew Bird's work. "The Mysterious Production of Eggs" was one of 2005's best, and last year's "Armchair Apocrypha" was another stunner. Combine Bird's infectious whistling with his intricate violin skill and you've got some of the most catchy folk/pop music on the market today. His sprawling discography is so well-rounded that I'm starting to wonder whether he will ever put out a bad record (he and his "Bowl of Fire" never did). And it seems that "Noble Beast," which will hit shelves January 09 will be no exception. I, for one, can't wait. 

The first track, Oh No, is classic Bird; a little more rhythmic this time around. Pitchfork's Forkcast is currently streaming the song HERE.

Home.

Fall break: After two months at Belmont, I've finally come home for a weekend. I was telling everyone before I left, "I'm not quite homesick, but I do miss home." Which is true.

But I've only been here for a couple hours and I'm already telling myself, "I missed the people, not the place." I was absolutely ecstatic to see my family, including both my dog and mom rushing out the garage door, and my sister who wouldn't admit that she really did miss me. I had a good long talk with my mom and dad about politics and my reignited faith at college, yet I realized that because I can better see God in my life, and can better see the places at home that hold bad memories. It frightens me that I can pinpoint exactly where I've sinned.

After a conversation with God, I know what needs to be done. I need to go to these places and put these evils to rest. I want to cast these sins away and progress in my faith, not regress. My past is important to me, but I can't live to my fullest if I don't lay my burdens down. It sounds a bit selfish, but if certain events continue to haunt someone for years after they occurred, peace needs to be made.

This break should be a break for me. I really want to enjoy myself while I'm here. Visit my friends and former teachers, stop at all my favorite records stores, catch up on some sleep, do some homework (gasp!). Father, my intentions are real, and I will submit myself to You.

Barefoot.

The other day, I asked my friend Winston, a songwriting major here, how he goes about writing a song. The brains behind Night Beds, he's written and recorded some pretty impressive tunes (although he won't admit it) and will be releasing them on iTunes within the year. Anyway, he described to me an exercise that he practiced in one of his classes: to think of an idea, place, person, or thing, and write everything you know about it. In his words, "vomit" on the page. And so "Barefoot" was born.

The story behind this: On campus, we have what we call "The Quad," an attractive area of grass and trees situated right in the middle of everything. My friends and I occasionally throw a frisbee or dribble a soccer ball in between classes, and every time I head out there, I kick off my shoes and enjoy what's beneath me (admittedly, this is destroying my feet). But it seems like when I lose my shoes, I lose my stress. The "cliff" bit in the song refers to an actual set of cliff at a nearby lake that Kern showed me to. Jumping off those things is so liberating. My surroundings: the trees, the water, the rocks, are so beautiful, and I really thank God for the nature that He's given us; it's always a retreat for me.

So here's what I "vomited" this evening :-)

Bare, I stand barefoot

The sand and rock and earth between my toes

And there, from where I look

God's wonderful creation lives and grows

Sometimes you gotta strip yourself

Of shoes and futures, worries, wealth

And smell the smell of green here in the air

'Cause what's the thrill in life concrete

Just shed the shield right off your feet

And jump off of a cliff with body bare!

MP3: Night Beds - There Was Enough/Rest

A friendship.

Big update.

So I've been at Belmont for a little over a month now and, truly, I've never felt closer to God. It's pretty amazing how environment can influence your faith. In particular, my resident assistant, Kern, has been such a blessing to me. Not only has he helped me ease into college life, but he invited me to a church called Lifehouse, and the service really shook me. The music, the worship... it was so powerful and joyful. At this point, I am talking out loud to God and I'm proud to call my relationship with Him a friendship.

So amongst all these influences, I've been writing like crazy. I've finished one, and I'm almost finished with two other pieces. This song here is called God in a Box. I was talking about the routine of worship with Kern, and he told me one of his friends said this: "Wouldn't it be great if we didn't try to put God in a Box?" This really stuck with me. And as I reflected on my own experiences, I realized that throughout my youth, I had done just that. As a "Sunday Christian," I was praying to God in a box and not outside of it. So this piece is somewhat biographical, but I think it applies to a lot of people.

"God in a Box"

He said, “I wanna put God, I wanna put our God in a box.

So I can praise Him on Sunday then dry myself out in the week.”

He said, “I wanna put God, I wanna put our God in a box.

And let the preacher pray for me so that I don’t ever have to speak.”

He said, “I wanna put God, I wanna put our God in a box.

So I can tell the world I love Him just to get a load of guilt off my chest.”

He said, “I wanna put God, I wanna put our God in a box.

Then I can take and take and take and take and take whenever fits best.”

But our Lord cannot be contained

Cannot be contained

In separate parts

Oh, our Lord has always remained

Will always remain

In our hearts

He said, “I wanna hold God, I wanna hold our God under locks.

So I can put Him on a pedestal and advertise the wealth that I’ve gained.”

But wouldn’t it be great, if we didn’t keep our God in a box?

Because I’ve felt Him working through me, and His presence cannot be contained!

Yes, our Lord cannot be contained

Cannot be contained

In separate parts

And our Lord has always remained

Will always remain

In our hearts

So, you can listen to the void

And ignore the sound of God when He knocks.

And you can try to tie Him down

You can try to measure love by the clocks.

But our Lord cannot be contained

We cannot put our God in a box.

November 21 will be the worst day of my life.

Take a long, hard look at this fantastic film poster. Nevermind the fact that the Half Blood Prince is the most powerful and emotional book of the series (yes, I enjoyed this tale more than the Deathly Hallows); take a look at the date.

For someone who has highly anticipated this movie's release, originally scheduled on November 21, 2008, to see this is devastating!

BURBANK, Calif., Aug 14, 2008 (BUSINESS WIRE) -- Warner Bros. Pictures today announced that it has moved back the release date of "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince" to Summer 2009. The sixth installment of the blockbuster Harry Potter franchise will now open day-and-date domestically and in the major international markets on July 17, 2009. The announcement was made by Alan Horn, President and Chief Operating Officer, Warner Bros.

Until then, you can suppress your anger and sadness by taking a look at the teaser trailer which actually made it into theaters (I saw it before the Dark Knight). Young Voldemort should be a hit!

Words & Wishes

It'll be similar to Elliott Smith's "Waltz #2." I have the acoustic guitar part written and I think a howling electric guitar would sound great alongside. Like something Explosions in the Sky would play. This song is important to me because it applies to my friends, my family, even myself. Sometimes our words can be cruel and hurtful, but the words and lessons of the Bible will forever be pure.

Lord, I am a witness to hollow and crooked tongues

These wishes and words

Your nouns and your verbs

Are the oxygen for my failing lungs

Remind me, your words we believe

Remind me, your words that relieve

Remind me, your words

Abused and forgotten

Remind me how beautiful they sound

And how praises are heaven bound

Lord, love and Your Name

Now so casual, in debauched talk

The devil will leech at once holy speech

Do they know God is shelter, our rock?

Remind them, your words we believe

Remind them, your words that relieve

Remind them, your words

Abused and forgotten

Remind them how beautiful they sound

And how good news is spread around

Like a flag, under your wondrous presence I stand

Giving praises and run-on phrases that you easily comprehend

And when my prayers weaken like the blade of a blunt knife

You still hear me

Kind and unwearied

The shade of your favorite color coming to life

To confess is so seeming

Perched on pedestals with sins we commit

We chatter while we pray, deaf to what our hearts say

And weighted by wrongs that don't sit

Will we act upon what we admit?

Remind us, the unfailing love

Remind us, the innocent blood

Remind us, your son

Risen, almighty

Remind us on unstable ground

Where your words and your wishes are found

Michael Phelps, you're an animal!

It's almost 1:00 am on Sunday night/Monday morning. And in the last few hours i've competed in a scavenger hunt, dined with my lovely grandparents, witnessed the American mens swim team win 4x100 freestyle relay (beating the French by .07, i might add), and, most recently, come to realize that my website (of which I've owned and operated since June 2005) is hopelessly dead. This death was a slow one, spanning over a year, yet I wasn't unaware of its demise. And it occurred, not because there was nothing exciting in my life, but, simply, because there was no music!

Despite how dramatic that sounds, it's somewhat true. I've been composing on the guitar, practicing the piano, and writing pieces; sparsely. But what I haven't been doing is recording. Of course, I could blame this on work, school preparations, or even the shift I made from Sonar to Logic (still getting used to it by the way). The truth is, that for some reason, I've become a little apathetic about audio engineering. Unfortunately for me, I'm entering college as an audio engineering major...

I'll never stop being inspired by the production of music; I'm just getting a little restless at home. But... the change of scenery I've been craving has come just in time! 11 days from now, I'll be moving down to Nashville to become a bruin at Belmont University and I want to immerse myself in all that 'The Music City' has to offer; learn some things, meet new people, and, rather sooner than later, revive my website!

So for the folks who like a good nutshell, my website hasn't been update since Christmas '06 because I haven't recorded anything new. This blog caught me at a pretty cool time in my life though. I'm ready for an adventure.

Hi, I'm Sam Newcomer and Michael Phelps, you're an animal!